I think we absolutely lucked out as species when the very first dessert was invented. By the way, some historians think it was ice cream. Tell me again it wasn’t the luckiest day in history. Since then we’ve come a long way. Desserts now exist in all forms and flavors, and famous patissiers around the world keep coming up with mind-blowing dessert ideas.
If you have a sweet tooth like me, your worst nightmare is having to choose what’s that dessert at a coffee shop or a bakery. And whether you love baking yourself and constantly collect dessert recipes or your only contribution to the entire industry is eating pies in all the available flavors, you will definitely appreciate some dessert puns and jokes.
For the most dedicated cake lovers, there is a very special category of dessert pick-up lines. Use them with care, as the person you are trying to impress might be trying to avoid sugar in all possible forms, even verbally, but if you believe those funny candy puns you have up your sleeve might actually turn into a nice conversation, go for it.
For this article, we collected some of the best dessert jokes that will help you pass the time between two desserts. Tell us in the comments which dessert you could eat all day every day, and if you know the recipe for it, make sure you share it with us.
Steps on how to survive being stranded on a dessert island.
1) Check spelling.
2) If correct, enjoy.
When the yoga teacher caught her student eating a lot of pies and coffee.
She said: “You’re here to practice yoga, not pie-lattes!”
I HAVE ABS-
Olutely no self-control when it comes to dessert.
What happens when ice scream gets angry?
It has a melt down!
What’s angry and goes with custard?
Where do you learn how to make ice cream?
In Sunday (Sundae) School.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What is a monkey’s favorite cookie?
What does a camel do on a pudding?
Walks through the dessert.
What’s a dessert’s favorite pick-up line?
Pie like you berry much.
Which dessert is perfect for eating in bed?
A sheet cake.
What is the favorite dessert of Greek chickens?
What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?
What does an Australian ghost eat for dessert?
What do you call a really awesome dessert?
What’s Hannibal Lecter’s favorite dessert?
What did the French dessert say when it was leaving?
What kind of dessert comes out of a musical volcano?
My wife said I was overconfident by transporting Spanish desserts in the center console of my car. I didn’t care.
But then the shift hit the flan.
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
What’s Bill Gates’s favorite dessert?
What’s a stoners favorite dessert?
Did you hear about the serial killer that got killed in a standoff with the police in an ice cream shop?
He got what he dessert.
Why do ice creams make the best journalists?
Because they are always getting the inside scoop first.
What dessert is served at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake.
Why was the cake crying?
Because the baker was beating him to make him batter.
Why do French bakers only use one egg to make a cake?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was a coughee cake.
How do you call a snake that loves dessert?
What’s the shopaholic pie’s motto?
“Keep your eyes on the pies tags!”
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
Because he was filling empty inside.
I bought a waffle iron the other day.
Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.
Which ice cream flavor is a vampire’s favorite?
How do you spell CANDY with only two letters?
C and Y.
How do you make an apple turnover?
Roll it down the hill!
What did chocolate syrup say to ice cream on Valentine’s day?
“I’m sweet on you!”
What is the easiest way to make a banana split?
Cut it in half.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
Because of the Rocky Road.
Why did the pie go to a dentist?
Because he needed a filling!
What did the cake say to the fork?
“You want a piece of me?”
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Because he was stuffed.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?
What’s a dessert’s favorite actor?
Robert Brownie, Jr.!
What is a jewelers favorite dessert?
There’s a lot of bad jokes. Especially the one about the dessert thief.
That one really takes the cake.
What do you call a website where you pay to look at pictures of Spanish desserts?
What is a shoe repairman’s favorite dessert?
What did the Italian waiter say to the couple when he forgot their dessert?
What’s a carpenter’s favorite dessert flavor?
What’s the difference between a cold dessert and an injured girlfriend?
One is ice cream and the other is a sore bae.
What did the thesaurus have for dessert?
A synonym bun.
Grammar is bringing dessert.
The synonym rolls are amazing.
Why did the cow do jumping jacks?
Because he wanted a milkshake!
A couple of camels are walking in the dessert…
And I was like: “Hey! Get out of my ice cream cake, you camels!”
What’s the difference between an Italian dessert cheese and a small pony who loves makeup?
One’s a mascarpone, the other is a mascara pony.
Why do ice creams tend to be bad at tennis?
Because they are always going for the soft serve.
What is the favorite TV show of all ice creams?
Answer: Game Of Cones
How do you become a professor at an Ice Cream University?
You have to submit a cool dessert-ation.
What happened when the courts tried to ban a certain kind of ice cream?
The other ice creams started a riot as it seemed un-cone-stitutional.
How do you motivate an ice cream lover?
“You cone do it!”
When the concerned parent cake asked his child, “What’s up”,
She replied, “Muffin much.”
What did the frightened cake say?
“I’m just so afraid to take whisks.”
What’s a basketball champ’s favorite donut place?
Why is it so hard to make a homemade Heath Bar?
‘Cause that’s a real toffee.
What do you call an angry dessert?
What does it do before it rains candy?
What’s a cannibal’s favorite dessert?
I tried making dessert, but I only had sour milk.
It was quite off pudding.
My doctor told me the best way to lose weight is to think of dessert as a drug.
I’ve been freebasing two cannoli a day.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream?
“What’s the scoop?”
How do astronauts eat their ice creams?
What do you call a baker that quits his job?
What battery makes the best dessert?
Lithi – yums.
What’s a monkeys favorite dessert?
Lemon Morangutan Pie.
What was the French cat’s favorite Valentine’s Day dessert?
Planck’s constant walks into a bar and orders dessert. The bartender is a little surprised by this, but he happens to have a couple desserts on hand.
“I can’t decide,” says Planck’s constant. “Whenever I walk into a bar I feel divided by two pies.”
Where is bad dessert taken?
What does a time traveler do when he wants more dessert?
He goes back for seconds.
What was the ice cream police officer worried about on a hot day?
That he would lose cone-trol of the traffic.
When somebody asks me if I love ice cream, I say, “You sherbet, I do.”
Why do everybody love ice cream?
Because it is so cool.
What did the motivational ice cream tell to the sad audience?
“Nothing is im-popsicle if you just believe.”
What’s cake’s favorite song?
‘Slice, Slice, Baby’.
What’s Shakespeare’s favorite cake?
‘A Midsummer Ice Cream’.
What would the name of Led Zeppelin’s song about donuts be?
‘Glazed And Confused.’
Why do we eat ice cream, cake, cookies and sweets when we’re stressed?
Because ‘stressed’ spelled backward is ‘desserts’!
What did the loaf of cinnamon bread say to the bag of flour?
“Hey, didn’t we meet yeast-erday?”
Which seasonal dessert treat is the best seller at the Colorado cannabis edibles shop?
Pumpkin pot pie.
Where do monsters get their cookies?
From the Ghoul scouts.
What kind of candy is never on time?
Why did the baker stop making donuts?
Because he got tired of the hole thing!
What did pilgrims use to make cookies?
What do cats have for dessert?
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death?
BEN and JERRY.
What’s the best thing to put into a pie?
Why did the cookie cry?
Because his mother was a wafer so long!
When should you take a cookie to the doctor?
When it feels crummy.
Why do basketball players love cookies?
Because they can dunk them!
What is a car’s favorite dessert?
Why can’t you hide from an Italian dessert?
You cannoli run.
What did the dessert do after filing for divorce?
She took custardy of the kids.
What did the pumpkin say after thanksgiving?
“Good pie everyone.”
What did Jesus eat for dessert after the Last Supper?
An Easter Sundae.
What did the pie who fell in love with another pie say?
“You made me fall in love at first bite.”
How do you call a rodent that steals dessert?
The pie wrote a letter to his best friend saying,
“You keep occu-pie-ing all my thoughts.”
How is pig’s favorite ice cream company called?
Everybody worshiped the new ice cream in town.
She was legen-dairy.
What’s cake’s favorite dance song?
‘Watch Me Whip’.
How do you make an apple puff?
Chase it around the garden.
What’s the worst thing about being a birthday cake?
After you’re set on fire, you are eaten by the hero that saved you.
What did the head chef say when the rookie burned the dessert?
“Is that a crime brulee?”
Why don’t employees like the new gluten-free bakery?
Because it’s a crumby place to work.
Why did the girl put her cake in the freezer?
She wanted to ice it!
I just drove by an abandoned Dairy Queen.
I guess you could say it was dessert-ed.
I just had dessert after my Chinese food, but there was no paper in my cookie.
Bought some ice cream and it said “store in a cool place”.
So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.