90 Day Fiancé Recap: Season 9 Episode 5: ‘Breast Intentions’

90 Day Fiance

Breast Intentions

Season 9

Episode 5

Editor’s Rating

3 stars

Photo: TLC

Last week, I said Kobe was one of my favorite 90 Day Dads. I begged him not to disappoint me. So, of course, this episode gets its title from a fight between Kobe and Emily. Emily is used to breastfeeding in front of her family, which Kobe thinks is weird. He also thinks it’s odd that Emily is still breastfeeding at seven months. With baby formula shortages, the entire nation has recently had a crash course in how breastfeeding works, so it’s absolutely fair for Emily to go about her breastfeeding journey as she sees fit!

At first, this seems like a cultural difference, but it turns into an issue of power dynamics. Kobe wants to make it clear how he expects a wife to speak to him. Emily has been raising her kid how she wants. I had faith these two would make it, but by the time Emily is kicking Kobe out of bed and forcing him to sleep alone, I felt as concerned as Emily’s parents did. Also, kudos to her parents for staying out of the fight. If these two are going to make mistakes, they wo n’t be able to blame her family’s influence.

Shaeeda meets Bilal’s kids this week and it’s as bad as their other family reunions have gone! Bilal clearly has n’t said a word to his children about his intentions with Shaeeda and they have no idea how to approach her. The kids bring up the baby issue and Bilal gaslights Shaeeda again. Of course the kids are n’t comfortable calling her umi when it seems like she barely knows their father! Shaeeda said she wants kids! Make a choice, Bilal! Shaeeda just wants to know if you’re worth staying in America for kids or if she should start her family back home.

Relationships are doomed when they start with this kind of manipulation and that’s why I’m also excited for the trainwreck that will be Patrick and Thais. I really wanted to believe in their love story, but Thais hasn’t even told her father the truth! It’s hard to believe she really believes in this marriage when she has n’t even told her dad about it. Thais has an escape plan! I’m just in it to hear Patrick’s brother John ask Thais incredibly pointed questions until the wheels fall off this thing.

As messy as Thais and Patrick seem, they can’t beat Ari and Bini. Ari already told us her parents got them an apartment, but she also insists that her mother forced them to get a two-bedroom apartment. After they move in, Ari’s mom makes it clear she expects Ari to take over the rent and Ari is shocked. She blames her mom for getting the more expensive apartment, but if this was an issue, I’m sure Ari could’ve insisted that Janice stay within their budget. Instead Ari is just shocked her parents would expect her to take on utility bills and rent! Girl, what did you think! Get a job! She knows Bini ca n’t work, did she just move her family to America to live off her parents?

When it comes to Kara and Guillermo, I do feel like she just brought him over as a joke. Even Kara’s family says she’s never been serious about anyone. Her family is polite enough, even with their weird intimidating stalker talk, but they know these are two naive kids. Remember: This woman’s full time job is balloons! Balloons! That is not the job of a serious woman who can support a husband! Guillermo looks like he has a feeling that Kara isn’t exactly a responsible adult, but he’s willing to grow up if it means a new life in America.

Yve and Mohamed celebrate his first morning in America, which turns into a pretty sad affair when Yve has to go to work. Pretty quickly, Mohamed shows us he does not know how to cook or take care of himself. I’m pretty sure he didn’t eat or do anything until Yve came back home. When he asked Yve to put ketchup on his plate, I had flashbacks of when I used to babysit children. I do n’t know why Yve is just ignoring these huge red flags, but their cultural differences do n’t even seem to be on her radar.

We’ve finally met all of our couples for the season, but “Breast Intentions” doesn’t feel like it even scratches the surface of the drama to come. Maybe it’s just because this episode had a lot less Boston accent, but it felt like we just rehashed the stakes we already know exist for each couple. I’m ready for Yve’s friends to meet Mohamed! I want Shaeeda to force the baby conversation! I want Kara to get drunk and show Guillermo she isn’t ready for marriage! While this might’ve been a slow early episode, there’s still enough on the table this season to keep me interested.

• Emily’s parents tried so hard to disappear into the background during that fight. They’re right, though, it’s not a great sign these two are already fighting. Also, their kid is going to have to get used to Kobe! Let them spend the night together!

• I understand why Yve hired someone for that bidet, I got one and still haven’t put it in yet. It’s hard! I do not think Mohamed is ready to babysit!

• Bilal might be this season’s villain, but his kids are great! They’re so smart. I loved the daughter’s diplomatic answer on calling Shaeeda mom! “I’ll definitely take that into consideration.” Fair!

• Thais, listen to your family. You are not going to like living in that frat house!

• Shaeeda has a strong support system, she’ll be okay without Bilal! I like that she has people to turn to, a lot of people this season are on their own.

• I do like the nickname “New Jersey Ride.”

• Shaeeda really loves that new house, doesn’t she?

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